


I know you will still love me the same

by FanFicReader01



Series: The Playground [4]
Category: Poets of the Fall
Genre: Brief mention of the others - Freeform, Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Physical Disability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-11
Updated: 2017-04-11
Packaged: 2018-10-17 16:21:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10597716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanFicReader01/pseuds/FanFicReader01
Summary: Inspiration: Thinking out loud by Ed Sheeran





	

_When your legs don't work like they used to before_

_And I can't sweep you off of your feet_

_Will your mouth still remember the taste of my love?_

_Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks?_

 

Everyone was in shock when Marko got into an incident that left him paralyzed forever.

It was a very sad day. All five of us were sitting in the hall of the hospital. Waiting until Marko would wake up again. No one wanted to bring the singer the bad news. No one knew how to tell him.

But someone had to. Everyone hoped it would be the doctors or the nurses.

In the end, I was the one to tell him. While the other bandmembers were still sleeping, I woke up and entered Marko’s room. He was awake. I sat next to him and held his hand in mine.

 ‘Hey’, came a weak reply from the man’s lips.

‘Hey, Marko’, I whispered. He still was exhausted from the surgery, I assumed.

I asked him how he felt. He told me everything was fine and that he was just tired. But I knew better. There was sorrow and sadness in  his eyes. Marko said he could hardly feel his legs.

I didn’t dare to tell him, but I had to. So told him.

 ‘I’m afraid you won’t be able to use them anymore’, I breathed.

The singer replied with a flat ‘Oh.’ I felt my heart crush at the view of my partner. ‘Guess it was the only possible outcome, huh’, Marko muttered. It was more of a statement than a question.

I didn’t know what else to say. I had to hold back some tears while I molded my fingers into a fist.

 ‘You don’t have to be or feel sorry, Olli. You couldn’t do anything about it. No one could’, once again, Marko knew to read my mind. The singer was right. I wasn’t there when it happened. Nor was Markus there, or Jari or Jani or Jaska.

 The older man managed a chuckle and hummed: ‘I’ll be fine. We don’t do gigs anymore, so don’t’ you worry about such trivial things.’ But I also knew it pained him as much as us.

 I wanted to reassure Marko as well. ‘Know that I still love you no matter what! We may not tour around the world anymore and you may have lost your legs, I still love you until the end!’

Marko gestured me to lean closer and as I did, he patted me on my back.

 ‘I know you do, Olli. You’re kind like that’, he whispered in my ear.

 

Marko did end up in a wheelchair. It didn’t bother us and it certainly didn’t stop us from loving the retired singer.

I still loved Marko like the day we fell in love. And so felt the others too.

We took turns in pushing the wheelchair around the house and we took turns in taking care of our friend and partner.

 

One day I found him in his room. Jaska had carried him all the way to the second floor and Jani had made sure the wheelchair got there as well.

Marko was sitting, no _laying_ on the ground. He must’ve climbed out of his wheelchair. First I was afraid he was unconscious. My heart stopped beating for a sec.

 ‘M- Marko!’, I exclaimed. ‘Are you alright?’ Stupid question. Of course Marko wasn’t alright, otherwise he wouldn’t be laying on the floor like that.

I quickly closed the door behind me and walked over to the singer. I saw dried up tears on the man’s face. He grunted.

 ‘Leave me be. I can do this’, Marko growled but his angered expression changed when he saw it was me.

‘ _Oh_ , Olli. It’s you. Still, you don’t have to help me. I can do this.’ Only now did I realize Marko tried to climb into his old bed. It must’ve been a while since he laid in this bed.

 

Ever since he got paralyzed, we started to sleep in the living room. We put some mattresses there and laid together. It was comfortable and cozy and easy like that.

 

I knew Marko didn’t like to be non-independent but there was simply no other way.

I knew he saw himself as a liability too. But for us, he wasn’t. Yes, there were some serious restrictions now and we had to help him with many things but that didn’t bother us. Marko was our partner and friend. So all we wanted, was to help him.

 

It shouldn’t surprise me to find the singer doing stubborn things like this. He wanted to prove himself.

Maybe he wanted to prove that he could still do things himself without help. But for us, for me, he didn’t have to prove anything.

 

 ‘Marko, stop. You’ll hurt yourself’, I said and I already regretted saying it.

The other man gave me a harsh look and countered: ‘I can do this. Just watch’, with a lot of effort he managed to drag himself over the wooden floor to the bed. He grasped the blankets and tried to hoist himself up to the bed. When the blankets kept sliding off, he cursed and eventually broke down in tears again.

 I sat next to him and dared to place a hand on my partner’s head. Marko let me. So I started to comb through his short hair.

 We didn’t say anything. Marko silently wept and I pressed him closer to me.

‘Hush, Marko. It’s alright. You should know that you don’t have to prove anything to us. It’s okay. Just know everything is okay’, I finally hushed.

 ‘I- it isn’t. Look at me! I’m pathetic. I can’t even climb into my own bed anymore. My legs. My friggin legs are broken. Good for nothing!’, Marko sniveled.

 ‘Shh, hush, my darling. Hush now’, I patted the sad man’s back. Then I crawled back up. With all my strength I picked Marko up. I sat down on the bed and let him sit on my lap. I helped him straddle me and brushed some hairs out of his face.

 ‘You still look beautiful’, I sighed. ‘Beautiful like the day we met.’

Marko finally managed a smile on his face, even if it was just a fake smile. He leaned in and rested his head against my shoulder.

 ‘Olli’, he mused as he closed his eyes.

‘I still love you, Marko. I really do’, I declared.

 ‘Hm… but I cause so much trouble for you guys now that I’m in a stupid wheelchair!’, Marko gritted through his teeth.

 ‘It’s not your fault you ended up paralyzed. And besides, remember when Jari turned blind?’, I started.

The singer nodded.

‘Did we stop loving him? Did we hate him for going blind? Something he couldn’t really control? No and no. We still love him. And we are glad to help and guide him. Same goes for you, Marko. We, I still love you so much. And it feels great to help you. I want to help you. Being paralyzed doesn’t change the way I see you Marko Saaresto’, I tightened my grip around the other man’s shoulders to accentuate my words.

 ‘Thank- thank you, Olli. I love you too’, Marko murmured, head hanging low.

‘Please, don’t you feel sad. It’s okay. I love you’, I pressed a tender kiss on his forehead and hugged him firmly. Marko now wrapped his arms around my waist too.

 ‘My eternal thanks for keep loving me back despite everything’, he exclaimed as he now cried tears of joy.

 I chuckled: ‘Your welcome. But it isn’t that hard to love someone like you, Marko. Every relationship has its ups and downs and I’m very certain this isn’t one of those down moments’, I reassured him.

 

_When my hair's all but gone and my memory fades_

_And the crowds don't remember my name_

_When my hands don't play the strings the same way (mmm...)_

_I know you will still love me the same_

 

I looked in the mirror. My, did I look old. Dark bags underneath my eyes. My hair was silverfish grey now.

My hands were trembling uncontrollably. I cursed. I forgot my pills again. There was a knock on the bathroom door. ‘Come on in’, I said.

The door creaked when it opened slowly. Marko rolled himself inside. ‘You’re going to bed already?’, the  singer asked me. I shrugged my shoulders. ‘I was just thinking about brushing my teeth.’

Marko noticed my fingers. He knew I forgot my pills often.

 ‘Why don’t you come sit on my lap and I’ll brush your teeth’, he winked.

‘What? Isn’t that… uncomfortable?’, I stammered in disbelief. But Marko shook his head.

 ‘Don’t feel my legs, remember? I can take it’, he grinned. It was a delight to see Marko finally, after some years, come to terms with his disability. He even knew to joke about it sometimes.

 So I hesitatingly sat down on the musician’s lap. Even though he was paralyzed, I was careful.

He smiled at me and smooched me on my nose.

 I handed over the toothbrush and the toothpaste. Marko held my shaking hands into his own for a brief moment.

 Then he gently brushed my teeth. I felt a bit like a child again. Somehow the whole act made me melancholic and it made me tear up eventually. I quickly got off Marko’s lap and spit out the remaining toothpaste. I fumbled with the sink and when the water started to flow, I tried to clean my mouth.

 Hopefully Marko didn’t see me like this, but of course he noticed.

Nothing went unnoticed by that guy. He commanded me to sit on his lap again.

Once again I felt like a child but I still obeyed him.

 ‘Olli’, Marko was looking for answers in my eyes.

‘Marko… I, my hands’, I wiped away some of my own tears. I felt pathetic. Marko lifted up my chin so we made eye contact.

 ‘Please, don’t you feel sad. It’s okay. I love you, Olli’, the singer stated. Now, where did I hear that sentence before?

Then I remembered. Those were the exact words I said to Marko a few years back. Back when he just got paralyzed. Through all my emotions, I finally smiled and even giggled.

 ‘I love you for who you are. Yes, you were and still _are_ an amazing guitarist. I’m honored to have played with you, Olli. Just don’t forget you’re more than just a guitarist. You are Olli Tukiainen. A wonderful, friendly and handsome man. You’re always caring and helping. You have a kind but also fierce nature. You are my friend, my lover. Hehe, remember when you soothed me when I broke down that day?’

  I sniveled and nodded. ‘Yes, yes I know, Marko. I know.’

‘Those words you said to me, the same goes for you too. I still love you even now you’re incapable of playing your guitar. And I feel so sorry you can’t play anymore. I understand that playing the guitar was like breathing for you’, Marko outed his empathy.

 Just like I appeased Marko that day, the singer now calmed me down.

‘Thank you for everything, Marko’, I whispered back.

After all we’ve been through, Marko still loved me the same. He knew it. I knew it. I should’ve known it all along. Marko’s love for me and the others was unbreakable.


End file.
